How to Increase Self-Esteem and Master Anxiety
HOW COURAGEOUS LEADERS THRIVE IN CHANGING TIMES
I was unsettled and miserable for a very long time. My conscious choices were misaligned with my subconscious, and I was often conflicted. I had no idea where these emotional states came from which lead to self-sabotaging behaviors. I oftentimes micro-managed and was ineffective while leading others. I felt that everyone should have my values and beliefs, because after all I was right, wasn’t I? On a regular basis, I would go off on one of my famous tirades. I would think that if only others would change, everything would be better. I would wonder why I hired “those” incompetent people. I didn’t encourage or for that matter want to hear any feedback. Ideas would be stifled and there wasn’t any entrepreneurship with key team members. The fallout of this mindset led truly talented employees to underperform in their job roles and they would eventually leave.
How could I possibly be a courageous leader when I couldn’t lead myself? Something had to change. I am grateful for the anxiety and fear that propelled me into taking- action to change my life and the way that I lead. Once I figured this out for myself, I sought after the education, so I could help others to stop suffering.
MATURITY AND LIFE EVENTS
When life gives us choices we don't always choose with our emotional intelligence. What we value in life guides our path. We can work against our values because we are unaware of what they are from a conscious point of view. We adopt values when we are young based on key influencers. They grow within us and become an unconscious guiding light throughout our lives.
As we mature our values change. It is reasonable to think that the values of an eighteen -year old, aren’t the same as that of a forty -year old. Our values also change with major life events….getting married, having children, or the death of a close friend or loved one can dramatically shift us.
Our self-worth is rooted in our values. We form identities and create truths and realities based on our beliefs. Our compass can take us off-course when there are conflicting beliefs in action. We then create limiting and oftentimes dysfunctional perceptions that drive inappropriate behaviors resulting in low-self-esteem and unhappiness.
INCREASE SELF-WORTH AND INCREASE SELF-ESTEEM
Feeling unworthy or even worthless is common and, in fact, is one of the greatest fears a human being can have. We can, however, turn these emotions around and transform our lives. Making these shifts can be challenging. I discovered it after years of suffering and I have found that many never see the problem. I am grateful that I had the ability to leverage the pain into something that drives me today. Here is what I did…
1. Language/Questions Meaning. I created a thought journal. When I felt bad I would write down the words that I felt at the moment. I then started seeing patterns emerge and questioned the meaning of those thoughts.
2. Belief -Values & Rules. I reevaluated my values and beliefs and where they originated from. Many of what I held sacred were not mine at all. I adopted them at an early age. Over the years, life events tested my beliefs, but many remained the same and the negative values trapped me in a cycle of discontent. I was released from captivity when I changed my values and beliefs and the rules for being happy. Learn more about Values & Rules >>>
3. Identity. Some of my biggest breakthroughs occurred when I uncovered who I really was. Expanding awareness can be painful, But, I found answers to questions that I had been asking for years. I finally was able to establish an authentic identity. Today, I am free to be me.
4. Worth. My self -worth increased as a result of changing my internal and external language. I now have optimized perceptions of others and events. This action-taking also increased my self-esteem and confidence. I have figured out my purpose and boldly express it.
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