In any relationship, there can be conflict. It can be easy to become engulfed in emotions as a result of our point of view, especially if it coincides with our values. In a nutshell, conflict can happen when putting opinions out there, then not listening to another’s point of view because they may not appear to agree with us. Unmanaged emotions in a conflict can bring out the worst in us.
Everyone thinks differently as a result of their journey. They may have been raised in an environment with a completely different world view. Going through life anchors early-formed perceptions and viewpoints that can build walls restricting opposing ideas from consideration.
The moment we have empathy for someone, we can better understand their point of view. Empathy and compassion put us in a state of understanding what the other person might be thinking and feeling. It only takes one person to resolve a conflict. The courageous, emotionally intelligent person who disassociates themselves from their emotions can look at conflict from a different perspective and an open mind. Just because you understand the other person’s point of view doesn’t mean that you have to agree with it.
BE THE PEACEMAKER, NOT THE AGITATOR
Is winning an argument worth ruining a relationship? For many years the answer to that question was yes for me. My ego wouldn’t let me back down, and a flood of emotions would have cemented my position. I enjoyed the rush of adrenaline from the conflict, and would pour accelerant on the fire to get the other person more engulfed in their emotions, leading to even more conflict. The result of those confrontations would be fractured and, oftentimes, lost relationships. Even though I felt that I had won the argument, I had truly lost because I had harmed the relationship. As the numbers of fractured relationships piled up, I became more and more unhappy with my life and the emptiness of it.
In my journey, I learned I was really afraid that the opposing viewpoint would be right, and I would be wrong. I had grown up with values that, as an adult, no longer served me. I believed that values were static, and didn’t consider that I needed to re-evaluate them on a consistent basis. After getting into this new habit, I became more confident in myself as a person, and others’ views no longer threatened me. I observed that my perceptions shifted. I no longer needed to be “right,” and lost the desire to push other people’s buttons.
TWO WAYS FOR IMPROVING RELATIONSHIP
I want to first say that both of these ideas are very difficult to practice if you aren’t emotionally intelligent. Emotional intelligence is having the ability to select the proper emotional response in any given situation. There is a time and place for every emotion. Being angry when there is an injustice is a proper emotion. Channeling anger so it drives you into compassionate empathy and not engulfs you into inappropriate behavior is an emotionally intelligent person.
IDEA #1 The Second Person Viewpoint
While in the conflict, pause and collect yourself. Disassociate yourself by moving from position 1 >>>> position 2. Once you do this, you are then able to see different perspectives. You’ll then have the ability to seek to understand what is being said, how they are feeling, and what they are trying to express. This is the single best way to resolve conflict. Because the moment you understand where they are coming from, you then have a unique perspective on it. You don’t have to agree with it; you are practicing empathy so you can better resolve the dispute.
The keys are-
IDEA #2- The Observer’s Point of View
Step out of yourself and see the situation from a purely disassociated state, meaning there is no emotion involved. This is easier said than done, because we tend to move back into position #1 because of our bias. Removing engulfing emotions from the situation is really the way to resolve conflict.
a. Talk to a third party about the conversation. If you choose this option, you must talk about it from the observer’s perspective. If you talk to them from position one’s point of view, you can actually create conflict with the third party.
b. Look at it from a famous person’s point of view, or someone you really admire.
RECALIBRATE AND ACCELERATE PERFORMANCE
When we can release the emotion that’s causing conflict, we can use our critical thinking skills to resolve it. Improve all of your relationships, get curious about yourself, and discover the true you. Uncover any blind spots that have you stuck in disharmony and self-sabotage. Change your state of mind and change your life. Are you ready to accelerate performance and become more fulfilled? Let’s get started and create a strategic action map that will guide your executive decisions with laser accuracy.
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